So like.. a week ago I was fiddling around with some smudgy digital painting. Just some super rough practice, blotting down shapes and maybe adding minor details. I'm figuring stuff out, you know?
I showed it off to someone and got a bit critique on it even though.. eh, I dunno. I wasn't feeling it. Frankly it was really annoying considering the practice was the point, not the output. But whatever. That's not the audience's responsibility. I really only showed it off because I thought it was unusual compared to my other stuff, but I suppose that should still leave it open to ideas from others.

Really, I got so bent out of shape for like fifteen minutes. I've never acted that way before and was really not amused with myself for it. Maybe just a bad day? Way totally overthinking this shit?
I dunno.

But hey, I chilled out soon enough. And in the end I did agree with some of the suggestions on improving the overall composition. It could have been so much more powerful.
What was annoying were the words about particular details in the picture. Like, yeah. My technical skills aren't so great. That's why I was doing the practice. The details aren't gonna be so hot right now.

Maybe I'm not trying hard enough.
Actually, I know I'm not.

After that I thought a bit about what you see versus what your audience sees. I see all the mistakes and the little things I learned or need to work on, the little moments of frustration, the happy accidents while fiddling with the brushes. To me it's practice, a lot of small learning experiences.

Probably sounds like I'm making excuses but whatever. At least some of you guys who have given me crits and advice in the past and know I'm not a big baby.



Anyway, on to the main point: I'm hooked on another damn video game.
I was drawing some more that day, a bit of one-point perspective stuff, but a buddy started pestering about some silly MMO. To get him to pipe down I gave it a go.
Now I'm kinda mildly sorta hooked on Salem.

its not even that good i dont know

We're doing well I guess. I'm buffing up my guy so I can tear down some gates to an abandoned camp. Gonna reclaim it, rebuild the gates with new locks, and whatever.
What really kinda bums me out is that I'm way more invested in this than my friends are. So I'm on there all by myself quite a bit. They come on, do a bit of maintenance, and then leave again.

Bluh.

I've been through this before. Hell, I've been on the other side of that spectrum, bailing out while my friends are all still way into it. What can I say.
In any case, I know of two key things that will end this completely and set me free.
a) my friends express their disinterest or otherwise totally bail
b) a recurring question becomes stuck in my mind. "Why am I doing this?"

B comes up while playing Harvest Moon games for example. I can see that my routine I've fallen into is really boring. I've basically played and explored every element of the game. There's nothing new to learn and I'm just grinding hearts, money, quality, the shipping list...
I tend to enjoy building up in games, roughing it. I love to start out with nothing and start building up in small ways, discovering things, increasing productivity. But the moment I realize I'm only spending money on new stuff so that I can make more money faster to spend on more new stuff, it's over. That pattern is all I can see at that point.
I may have not strictly beaten the game but in my mind I've essentially finished consuming it.

It's the same with many games these days really. I like seeing new locations and characters. I adore new mechanics and gameplay elements.
But once all those have clearly run out I just can't keep up the interest anymore.



I've thought about this a lot so I'm just talking out loud. You might be itching to fire off a recommendation for me but please don't.
I -really- would like to get over this gaming binge so I can go back to drawing. As much as I hate to admit it, I have some issues with willpower.
This isn't even procrastination at this point. There is nothing to put off.

Whatever though. I'll come back around.
Always do.